Harry Potter and the GIRL NEXT DOOR!
by Vkitty
Summary: A girl moves in next door (or...across the street) from Harry and he goes to make friends with her. Warning: Parody, I'm still trying my hand at humor here.


Harry Potter and THE GIRL NEXT DOOR!!!

One day, Harry Potter was sitting in his cupboard and eating his grilled cheese sandwich sllllllloooowwwwllllyyyyy. He had been locked in by his evil Aunt Petunia and had been given only the sandwich for the entire month and a glass of elderberry wine and a lembas. Which he did not like at all. He was currently reading JRR Tolkien's Return of the King, which was making him cry. He was sobbing. He was really, really, really, REALLY sad. It was a sad book. He felt miserable.

And then he opened the cubby door and looked out the conveniently placed window. There was a big moving truck across the street, and a girl emerged from it.

She had beautiful long, silky, golden hair that fell down her back in beautiful, long, silky, golden waves and shined in the sun. And her skin was so pale like a china plate, and she had big boobs. Harry had to meet her. So he walked out of the house through the conveniently placed doorway and jogged across the conveniently placed street and went up to her. The girl was struggling with a very heavy box so he went up and helped her.

"Why thank you very much!" The girl said in a Southern American accent. "I'm Starla Winderkarchstofenstoff, who are you?" then she looked up at his scar. "Oh my heavens! Would you happen to be _the _Harry Potter?" she asked. Harry nodded. "Well, I'm Starla Winderkarchstofenstoff, who are you?"

"I'm Harry Potter," Harry said.

"Well, come in. Let's have a good ole' nice cup of iced tea!" Starla Winderkarchstofenstoff chirped happily. "And don't break the super-dee-dooper important secret contents in that box! It involves you in a very direct way!" and then the box slipped from Harry's slippery hands. Starla's hands flew to her mouth. "Uh oh!" she chirped happily. Suddenly out of the box sprang Lord Voldemort. He turned around.

"Oh, not another one of these ones!" he said bitterly.

"I'm Starla Winderkarchstofenstoff, who might you be?" Starla asked, holding out her hand. "Would you like some iced tea?"

"No," Lord Voldemort said. He pointed his wand at her. "AVADA KEPOPPY! -- oh, and look. I'm even using one of _her _spells," he said. Starla's hands flew to her mouth again and she let out a wailing moan. Harry rushed to her side.

"Starla!" he yelled. "Don't die!"

"Harry," she said. "Don't ever forget me. For I am the key to the Pillar of Storge and in my room is the Teakettle of Nackledirk!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry yelled. "I love you!" he cried. Tears began to pour down his cheek as Starla reached up and brushed them away. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she died and burst into a phoenix.

"Oh. My. God." Voldemort said. "AVADA KEDAVR--"

"No! That's Fawkes!" Harry said, holding up his hand to let the phoenix perch on his arm. "Fawkes was really sent to protect me as a human girl and she fell in love with me!" he said.

"Oh, move out of the way boy!" Voldemort said. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Fawkes suddenly turned green and blew up in a burst of feathers. Then, Starla AND Fawkes were gone. "Oh come on, did you really think I wouldn't do that?" Voldemort asked.

"Okay, I'm over it," Harry said, wiping his cheeks. "So, same time next week?"

"I'll be here," Voldemort said.

"Ta, dog." Harry said, hitting his fist against Voldemort's. With a CRACK!, Voldemort apparated out and Harry walked across the, now normal and not conveniently placed, street and in through the door. He went upstairs into his bedroom and slammed the door.

THE END... for now.

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**A/N: A few notes:**

**Ta in some places is used for 'Thanks'**

**Single tears are the trademark of Sues.**

**If you noticed the connection between Starla and one of the Sues on deleterius that could ALSO change into Fawkes, you are very smart.**

**I have not actually read any of Lord of the Rings, so I had to consult my friend (The Obsesser of all that is LOTR, HP and YAOI ANIME) about it, she said that the saddest two were Return of the King and Two Towers. I didn't want to do both, so I did the third one.**

**Did anyone else notice that Harry said 'I love you' right after he met Starla?**

**Next, I'm thinking on doing a Sirius Black's Daughter, Harry's Cousin, Dumbledore's Grandaughter, Malfoy's bride, Petunia's favorite, Godric Gryffindor's protege sue. So, while your waiting, feel free to go look at my other parodies (Harry Potter and THE HOT MAMMA FROM HAWWWAII!!!!! and Harry Potter and the TWO GIRLS FROM TEH REAL WERLD!), they're at my profile.**

**Please Review!**


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